Tag: traditional Catholicism

A Cautionary Tale of Courtship

A reader asks for advice:

Looking for advice on what to do or not to do:

My husbands very close twin brother started dating and is now engaged with a novus ordo Catholic girl who has a very demanding job in medicine.

Since their courtship he has developed more left wing inclinations to suit her and her family (they openly mock people who vote right wing), so this time he cast a white ballot to effectively not upset anyone at all, even though one year ago he would have easily voted right as he did all his life. Needless to say she also made various excuses for CK’s murder, and my brother in law too (too provocative, hateful)..

He has also started to completely alter his life, livelihood, etc around the girl’s job, inclinations, preferences. He used to regularly post about how much homemakers are beloved, and wanted a traditional family, but now deleted his fb and all social media not to appear offensive. The novus ordo priests giving them advice don’t seem to really see any of this, and just encourage them going forward with the wedding.

I understand this as not my life, not my domain, but it obviously hurts my husband as they have been close all their life radically change his values. I wonder if there is a way to somehow make someone realize they are altering everything about themselves to fit in and going against values they used to possess.

I understand it’s hard to find a good woman these days and that can lead to a lot of concessions, but when it is a sacrament like marriage, I can’t help but think he could be making a mistake or not being forthcoming about what values he has.

I ultimately trust God, but if anyone has advice or has been in a similar position I’d love to hear it.

1. Marriage Is Not Just Personal—It’s Spiritual and Communal

Marriage isn’t a private emotional adventure. It’s a public, spiritual vocation. It’s a sacrament, not a lifestyle choice, and that means it’s not just about two people liking each other—it’s about two souls aligning their lives to glorify God through self-sacrifice, fruitfulness, and unity in truth.

So when a man starts shifting his political views, spiritual life, public convictions, and even deletes his past in order to “not offend” a woman and her family before the vows have even been exchanged—what do you think will happen after the wedding?

This isn’t a case of love inspiring a man to grow. This is appeasement, plain and simple. It’s a subtle kind of idolatry. He’s making her, and her approval, his god.

2. Your Instinct Is Right: This Is Not Healthy Submission, It’s Erosion

When a man changes his entire worldview, deletes his social convictions, and gives up speaking the truth in order to gain acceptance, that is not love—it’s a prelude to enslavement. He is building his house on sand.

And let’s not sugarcoat it—there’s a very real spiritual battle here. When a woman mocks your values, makes excuses for the murder of a faithful man like CK (I assume you’re referring to Fr. Chad King), and has no reverence for right-ordered masculinity, then you have a moral obligation to question whether this is a prudent match for marriage.

If this woman is already demanding total lifestyle surrender before marriage, what will happen when she has full legal and social leverage?

3. The Novus Ordo Factor

Now, I say this with due reverence for all valid sacraments, but the Novus Ordo culture often downplays sin, avoids confrontation, and embraces sentimentality over sound doctrine. Many priests today have been trained to avoid making “judgmental” statements, even when someone’s soul is in clear danger. If their priestly counsel amounts to, “Just follow your heart,” that is not pastoral care—it’s abandonment.

Do not be surprised if these priests bless this union with a smile, even if it’s being built on the bones of compromise and cowardice.

4. What Should You Do?

You’re right—it’s not your domain to intervene directly. But you are not powerless.

Here are the do’s and don’ts:

✅ Do Speak to Your Husband

Let him know that you see how deeply it pains him to watch his brother drift. Remind him of the strength of their bond, and encourage him to lovingly—but firmly—speak to his brother while there’s still time. Brother to brother.

“I love you. I respect your freedom. But I’ve seen you change in ways that don’t look like growth, they look like fear. I’m worried you’re giving up things that made you strong—and you may wake up one day wondering whose life you’re even living.”

That’s not judgment. That’s fraternal correction, which is a spiritual work of mercy.

❌ Don’t Nag or Gossip

You and your husband must not let this devolve into murmuring behind his back. Either you confront the issue in love, or you entrust it fully to prayer. Bitterness and mockery—even if justified—only poison the well.

✅ Do Pray and Fast for Him

Prayer isn’t a fallback option. It’s front-line combat. You and your husband should start praying specifically for clarity, courage, and conviction for his brother. A 9-day novena to St. Joseph or to St. Michael the Archangel would be fitting here. Fast from something you enjoy as an act of love and intercession.

✅ Do Watch How This Woman Treats Men

If she mocks conservative values, excuses violence against outspoken men, and demands her preferences dominate her fiancé’s life, she’s not seeking partnership—she’s seeking dominance. And her politics are likely not the problem—they’re the symptom of a deeper worldview where the man is not the head, but the pet.

5. If the Wedding Proceeds

If it goes forward, your role will be to support your husband in navigating the fallout that may come. Be a calm and respectful presence, and let your own marriage be a living witness of what a strong, traditional union looks like. The beauty of holy marriage preaches louder than a hundred arguments.

6. Final Words

You’re right: it is hard to find a good woman today. But that’s no excuse for a man to forget who he is. If you trade your integrity for intimacy, your conscience for comfort, or your faith for approval—you’ve already lost before the marriage even begins.

But remember: the story isn’t over. Even men who fall into error can wake up. But waking up usually takes pain—and some men don’t listen until the pain gets louder than the delusion.

So love him. Pray for him. Speak with honor and clarity. And then stand back and let God do what only He can do.

You’re doing the right thing by asking this. Now do the next right thing: pray, speak truth, and let your own family shine as a model of what holy order looks like.

Discerning God’s Will

A reader asks:

What are some clear signs when discerning a decision?

We have a life decision as a family to make and we’ve been searching for an answer for the better part of 4 years with no clear signs. It feels as though we are living in some kind of limbo waiting for some kind of sign from God. We are restless and uneasy with the situation we currently have. I’ve always thought that when you’re making the right decision in Gods perfect time, that doors will be opened, the right people will be put in your path etc. And when it’s not the right time doors will be slammed in your face and no matter how much you fight, you won’t get anywhere. Is that accurate? Or will there be situations where you’re forced to tear down doors and try to make the impossible, possible?

1. Discerning God’s Will Is Not Passive—It Requires Action and Peace

There’s a common mistake in our circles: waiting passively for a “sign from Heaven” while the roof leaks and the kids are growing. God’s will is not usually revealed in fireworks or prophetic dreams. More often, it’s revealed through ordered desire, peace, circumstances, and moral clarity.

As St. Ignatius of Loyola put it: “God’s will is known through consolation and desolation.” That is:

  • When you imagine walking through a certain door, do you experience peace—even if it’s scary or sacrificial?
  • When you cling to the status quo, is it true peace, or is it avoidance, fear, or despair?

Restlessness is a sign. Not always that something is wrong morally, but that something is incomplete. God stirs the heart to prevent us from settling into false peace.

2. Doors Opening and Closing: Truth or Myth?

You’re right in thinking that God will sometimes open doors when it’s His time. But here’s the critical part:

Sometimes God leaves the door closed to see if you’re willing to knock hard enough to prove your faith and leadership.

That’s not contradiction—it’s Scripture:

“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” (Matt 7:7)

He doesn’t say, “Wait by the door until I open it.” He says knock. That’s action. That’s faith.

In some seasons, you will have to tear down a door, as you said—but only when you’re sure it’s the right house.

So, is it accurate to believe:

  • Open doors mean “go”? ✅ Yes, often.
  • Closed doors mean “stop”? ⚠️ Not always.
  • Sometimes God waits for you to lead in faith and knock? ✅ Absolutely.

3. Four Marks of a God-Guided Decision

Here’s a framework you can use to test if it’s time to move:

1. Is it morally sound?

This is non-negotiable. Is the decision consistent with the teachings of the Church, your duties as a husband and father, and your role as protector and provider?

If yes, proceed.

2. Does it bring greater order to your family?

God’s will always moves us toward order, not chaos. Even if it’s difficult or sacrificial, will this decision:

  • Strengthen your marriage?
  • Provide a more stable environment for your children?
  • Allow you to fulfill your God-given vocation more fully?

If yes, that’s a green light.

3. Is there peace in your heart?

Not the peace of comfort—but the peace of conviction. The kind you feel before stepping onto a battlefield because it’s the right fight.

If your heart is restless from avoidance, it’s time to move.

4. Are you staying put out of fear?

Fear is not from God. Prudence is from God. But fear that paralyzes the will is the devil’s tool. Satan doesn’t need you to commit mortal sin—he just needs you stuck.

If fear is holding you back, it’s time to fast, pray, and then act.

4. What Would You Advise Your Own Son If He Were in Your Shoes?

This is a sobering question I ask myself often. If my grown son came to me with this same dilemma, what would I tell him?

That’s your mirror. That’s your clarity.

If you would tell your son, “Son, it’s time to make a move. It’s been long enough. Trust God and lead your family,” then there’s your answer.

5. Final Thoughts: God Trusts You to Lead

God gave you the authority in your home. You don’t need a neon sign from Heaven. You need prayer, prudence, and boldness. If you’ve been faithful in prayer, you’ve already been given more than most.

So here’s the challenge:

  • Stop waiting for peace to fall on you like a blanket. Peace follows obedience.
  • Make the best decision you can with what you have. God will guide your steps once you start moving.
  • And if a door slams hard? You’ll know it’s not the one. But don’t wait for it to open magically.

God doesn’t guide parked cars. Start driving—He’ll steer.